Parenting Philosophy — The Edwards Family

Catherine had a great idea about taking suggestions on topics for blogs. I love that idea and hope that each of you will send me some ideas for future blogs as well. This week I chose one of her suggestions - “parenting philosophy.”

Writing about parenting is something that is much easier now (in hindsight) than it would have been going into it 30 years ago. We certainly didn’t do everything right but have now had to benefit to see what worked well and to learn from our mistakes. By no means is this is a complete guide on parenting but rather some thoughts that stand out. Ultimately, God’s Word is the guide and each of these principals below are inspired by Biblical truths.

Model the Christian character you want your children to have. There is no greater way to teach great character than to exhibit great character. Words that aren’t backed up by similar actions are just empty words. However, none of us are perfect. Your children will know your strengths and weaknesses as well as anyone. Along those lines, if they know your heart and your love for them, they will see both your shortcomings and successes as part of your valiant attempt to be Christlike. This is our highest calling in life.

Model the person you want them to marry or “be” in their marriage. Make your marriage something that they will want to strive for in their own lives - not run from. The way that we treat each other in our marriage greatly influences what our children look for in a mate. This is why positive or negative cycles tend to repeat themselves. Even when we are at our worst (like being hangry, ha) we must try to keep our words and manner under control. Little eyes are always watching. That might feel like a lot of pressure – and it is – but handling adversity with some element of grace will go a long way in teaching them how to do the same.

It takes a village. Like the old saying goes, “it takes a village to raise a child.” We don’t raise our kids by ourselves. They have many influences in their lives. However, parents are certainly the greatest influence and the “gatekeeper” for the other influential relationships that our kids have – their village. Creating a village must be strategic. There are extended family members, friends, friends’ parents, teachers, coaches, youth group leaders, media influences and others that all come into play. As best we can, these influences need to align with our beliefs and character to become a consistent part of the village. A village is not a “bubble” but rather a chosen community that greatly helps shape our children.

Parent first, friends later. I like the model that JH Ranch teaches: cop, then coach, and ultimately counselor. This sets up a good progression as kids move from children to youths and then adults. Parents can make the mistake of trying to be “friends” with their kids too early in life. Children have many friends - what they need is a mother and a father. The role of a parent has elements of a friendship but the respect of a parent must always be maintained. Once adulthood is reached, you shift into counselor mode and that is when more of a friendship role comes into play.

Boundaries show love. Kids that aren’t given appropriate boundaries in each stage of their lives are not going to feel properly loved. Boundaries can be too strict or too lax - neither of which are good. It takes real intentionality to find the right mix for each child at their respective stage of development. That can be a challenge when you have multiple kids who are all at different stages, but no one ever said that parenting was easy. This is truly one of the most challenging and important responsibilities that you will have.

Always keep your word. Children learn trust from their parents. We must always keep our word with them to the extent possible. That includes discipline if we warn them in advance. Knowing that we keep our word gives children great stability.

Worship Consistently. Children must know that this is a high priority to you or it won’t be to them. Corporate and community worship along with family and personal devotional time are taught as they are observed and participated in. Show them the way.

Work hard. Play hard. Help them understand that BOTH work and play are privileges - each with its own rewards. This can be taught at a early age to help build a solid work ethic and a “balanced” life.

Prioritize family time. Family is the epicenter of our lives. Our children gain great strength and security in their understanding of this. They will come to appreciate this as a great blessing, especially when they realize that not everyone has a healthy family life.

Apologize when you make mistakes. Our kids already know that we aren’t perfect. It’s good for us to show them that we know this as well and that we aren’t too proud to admit it. Turn it into a teaching moment by pointing out what you did wrong and how you should have handled things differently. It’s also a great lesson on the joy of God’s forgiveness.

Pray for them. Pray with them and for them. Pray for them each day but one other suggestion is to designate a special day of the week when you pray for them individually in more depth. Let them know this and ask them from time to time how you can be praying for them. Pray for their future spouses.

Don’t be afraid to go against the grain. You will have to make counter-cultural decisions that your children won’t like sometimes. It may be something as simple as a spend the night party, a questionable movie or a much bigger issue, but you will have these moments where you must prayerfully trust your judgment. Make sure that you and your spouse are solidly together on the issue at hand because children need to see a united front. Your conviction may not be popular in the moment but will be appreciated later.

I hope that these thoughts help as you raise your families in the years ahead. The privilege of parenting is an amazing blessing that Julie and I have enjoyed for the past 30 years and counting. We pray for many more!

Stay Hungry,

Big E

Matt. 5:6